


NSFW Alphabet: Klaus Hargreeves

by humblepirate



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: BDSM, Choking, Masturbation, NSFW Alphabet, NSFW Headcanon, Orgasm Denial, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 06:13:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26468491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humblepirate/pseuds/humblepirate
Summary: I started this as a writing warmup in preparation for another fic I'm working on and two hours later, here it is. Did I go overboard? Maybe a little. Do I regret it? Absolutely not. Enjoy!
Kudos: 27





	NSFW Alphabet: Klaus Hargreeves

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [NSFW Alphabet (Ben Hargreeves)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25755418) by [simpy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/simpy/pseuds/simpy). 



> I started this as a writing warmup in preparation for another fic I'm working on and two hours later, here it is. Did I go overboard? Maybe a little. Do I regret it? Absolutely not. Enjoy!

**A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)**

He is ALL about aftercare. He can get into some pretty raunchy scenes, so he always makes sure his partner had a good time (as well as checking in regularly throughout the scene). He also loves when his partner fawns over him and takes care of him. His favorite aftercare activity is taking a bubble bath with his partner. Then he likes to get cozy and cuddle in bed (somehow managing to take up most of the bed even though he’s a string bean) until they fall asleep together.

**B = Body part (their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)**

His own favorite body part is hard to pick, because let’s be real, he’s a hot piece and he knows it. If he had to pick, he’d probably say his hair- even in non-sexual scenarios, just letting it out of a ponytail or running his hands through it can make his partner melt. 

His favorite body part of his partner’s is also pretty difficult to choose! When it comes down to it, though, he’d probably say their stomach. He’s a sucker for cuddles, and there’s nothing better than snuggling up on the couch and laying his head on their tummy. If they play with his hair during it, he’s sure to fall asleep immediately.

**C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)**

He LOVES when his partner comes on him. He likes to get messy during sex, and having his partner come on his face or chest makes him feel extra dirty in the best way. He also loves when they make him come on their hand or on the bed and then lick it up. Maybe it makes him a narcissist, but he just really loves being forced to eat his own come.

**D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)**

Klaus really doesn’t have too many secrets when it comes to sex, but I imagine that if he’s with a new partner or someone he doesn’t know really intimately but for whom he has strong romantic feelings, he struggles to tell them some of the more unusual things he’s into because he doesn’t want to scare them off or be judged.

**E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)**

I mean…. it’s Klaus. Do we really need to ask?

**F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)**

It changes depending on his mood and his partner, but he’s always a sucker for a classic doggy style. He loves it when his partner pushes his face into the bed or ties his hands behind his back. Feeling helpless and out of control is a total turn-on ~~(because when you’re not in control you can’t be held accountable for your mistakes)~~.

**G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)**

Again, it depends, but ultimately he prefers a carefree environment. He’ll crack jokes or give his partner sass, though usually it’s to goad them into punishing him. His silly personality doesn’t really go away during sex, but when he really immerses himself in a scene, it’s like a total switch flip. Ultimately he just wants to make his partner happy however he can.

**H = Hair (how well-groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)**

I definitely see Klaus as more of the “au naturale” type. God gave him pubes for a reason; who is he to question Her grand design?

**I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)**

While he has a really high libido and has no qualms about meaningless one-night stands while he’s single, when he’s in a relationship, he definitely treasures romantic intimacy. It’s really hard for him to be vulnerable so he’ll probably make a lot of crass jokes at first, but once he gets used to someone, he starts to let down his guard a bit. During sex, he sometimes pauses a scene just to take a moment to stare at his partner and think about how much he loves them. Outside of the bedroom, he’s extremely handsy, always needing to have his hand around their waist or sit in their lap. Sometimes it can actually get a bit annoying, but he’s too cute to deny.

**J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)**

He jacks off a healthy amount regardless of if he’s in a relationship or not. Usually he does it once a day, sometimes more if he’s stressed out or bored. He loves when his partner watches him; he doesn’t need porn to get off when they provide a steady stream of dirty talk. He also loves watching his partner masturbate while he’s tied up, desperate to touch them and so turned on he can’t think. One of his favorite games is to exchange dirty texts with his partner throughout the day, usually while he’s at work or otherwise busy. He often has to excuse himself to jerk off in the restroom before someone notices how turned on he is.

**K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)**

Alright friends, let’s do this!

  * **Choking**
      * Klaus loves, loves, LOVES being choked. It’s alright if some random hookup does it, but when he’s choked by a partner whom he deeply loves and trusts- it feels _mind-blowingly_ amazing. There’s something about surrendering control over his life, and knowing that they won’t abuse that power, that turns him on like nothing else.
  * **Dom/sub**
      * He’s willing to switch it up depending on his partner, but really, he’s a total sub at heart. He just loves to tease his partner (especially in public) and act like a brat in the hope of getting punished. If he doesn’t get his way, he’ll pout and whine until his partner bends him over their knee and spanks him. Acceptable alternatives are forcing him down to his knees and getting his partner off with just his mouth, or getting picked up and fucked against the wall.
  * **Humiliation/degradation**
      * There’s definitely a lot of trauma behind this kink, but with a lot of trust and safety precautions, he finds it extremely therapeutic. He loves how filthy it feels to be insulted and demeaned. Even when he’s blushing like a virgin, being verbally humiliated by his partner gets him rock solid in seconds. They also make sure to give him plenty of praise during aftercare.
  * **Bondage**
      * YES. PLEASE. Regardless of what position they’re in, Klaus _loves_ to be bound somehow. Favorites include having his arms and legs tied to the bedposts, leaving him completely helpless and ready to be used by his partner, as well as when he’s getting too noisy and they gag him with their fingers or, preferably, their underwear.
  * **Lingerie**
      * Of course his partner looks hot in everything, but he’d die for the chance to see them in a lacy negligee. What he loves even more, however, is wearing lingerie himself. His favorite pieces are really extravagant, covered in bows and lace and straps, but easy to slip off when it’s time to get sexy. He loves it when his partner is so turned on they can’t be bothered to undress him, they just yank his panties aside and go to town.
  * **Edging/orgasm denial**
      * Again, some trauma involved here, but the right partner can make it a truly amazing experience. He acts like a brat on purpose so that they’ll punish him, and edging is his favorite kind of punishment. It drives him absolutely mad, and his partner doesn’t relent until he’s pliant and needy and begging for his release. If he’s been extra bratty, they might just leave him there for a while… but he trusts them to take care of him either way.
  * **Voyeurism**
      * Whether it’s him watching his partner get off or vice versa, he loves having an audience. It gets him incredibly hard when his partner watches him get off. Sometimes they’re mean about it and get themselves off, or fuck someone else while he watches, gagged and hands bound, unable to touch them or himself. His partner always makes it worth the wait, though.
  * **Hair pulling**
    * What can he say, he just really, _really_ likes it when his partner pulls on his hair… especially if it’s while he’s going down on them.



**L = Location (favourite places to do the do)**

Literally anywhere, but there’s something about having sex in public that just gets him ridiculously hot. Usually he prefers to savor sex, but if he’s out and about with his partner and they do something that puts him in the mood, he’ll drag them into the nearest bathroom and let them take him apart with a quick hand job. He just needs a little bit to tide him over until he can get them home and give them his full attention.

**M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)**

He loves to be teased in public- there’s the element of shame, in case someone caught him getting hard, as well as the taboo-wrongness of it. But really, it’s not hard to get him going. His partner could be reading a book or doing their taxes and he’s just struck by a deep and sudden desire for them. He’s an easy boy.

**N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)**

He doesn’t have many hard limits, but I imagine he’s not a fan of needles or any kind of medical roleplay.

**O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)**

He is ABSOLUTELY more of a giver than a receiver. He would be content with nothing but oral for the rest of his life. It’s kind of scary how talented he is. His gag reflex is essentially nonexistent and his tongue can do things that defy the laws of physics. Of course, he’s not opposed to receiving if his partner wants it. His favorite position is to sit on his partner’s face so they can eat him out and prepare him to get fucked.

**P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)**

It really depends on his mood. Sometimes he just needs to come as soon as possible, whatever that takes. When he’s in a relationship, though, he typically prefers to take his time. He enjoys a slow, tortuous pace when it’s a really romantic and intimate moment, though he’s equally happy when his partner is pounding him into the mattress so hard he sees the galaxy.

**Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)**

He’s not opposed to it on occasion; he has poor impulse control and sometimes a quickie is the only solution to fix that. If he had his druthers, though, he’d prefer to savor the moment.

**R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)**

Abso-FUCKING-lutely. He’ll try anything once, so long as it doesn’t violate any hard limits. He makes sure to be extra communicative with his partner and take all safety precautions when venturing into new kinks. Typically, he ends up adoring whatever he tries; even if he doesn’t like it, at least it’ll make for a fun story.

**S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)**

It really depends on his partner and how strenuous the first round went. He’s into some pretty physically taxing activities, but he’s practiced enough that his stamina is above average. He can last pretty long, even when his partner is doing their best to edge and tease him. 

**T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)**

Building off the stamina kink, he really loves when he has an orgasm and then his partner continues to tease him with a vibrator. The overstimulation drives him up the wall in the best kind of way, and it can usually eke out another orgasm from him. Aside from that, he definitely has a variety of toys for plenty of different scenarios. If his partner is feeling especially frisky, he has a remote-controlled vibrating butt plug that he’ll wear and let them keep the remote. They’ll turn it on at the most inconvenient times, especially if they’re in public; it’s really fun to see how far they can push him before he makes an excuse to drag them into a private room.

**U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)**

Klaus is an _enormous_ tease. Nothing brings him satisfaction quite like making his partner blush and stutter over a suggestive joke or a flash of lingerie. He’ll purposefully wear revealing clothes to torture them and act completely innocent when they say something about it. Usually this behavior gets him _exactly_ what he wants, which is to be pinned to the wall and fucked until he forgets how to speak.

**V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)**

He is definitely a vocal lover. He has basically no shame and will moan or beg as loudly as he wants regardless of the situation. He tends to moan quite a lot when he’s being fucked, and there’s definitely some dirty talk going on (when he isn’t gagged, of course). He enjoys begging and praising his partner while they degrade him. If they deny him too long, he’s not ashamed to resort to whining. When he comes, though, he gets much quieter and gasps or whimpers as he rides it out. 

**W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)**

He’s totally touch-starved and when he can convince someone to hang around him for more than two days, they’re fully locked in. He’ll always want to be touching them in some way. During sex, while he does enjoy touch-restricting kinks, he’s usually most satisfied when he can be as close as possible to his partner. If they tie up his hands, he’ll beg to touch them and as soon as he’s allowed he’ll clutch them as close as he can.

**X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)**

He has a really lanky frame but is actually quite strong due to the rigorous training he underwent at the Academy. His dick is pretty average, nothing to write home about. The things he can do with it, though, are another thing entirely.

**Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)**

He jacks off pretty regularly, but he views that as separate from his sex life. Masturbation is more about the chemical release, whereas sex is a specific and deliberate act with one or more partners. He’s open about his sexuality and kinks and whatnot, and he certainly isn’t shy when he’s attracted to someone, but he doesn’t feel the need to do frequent hookups. When he’s in a relationship, of course he loves having sex with his partner, but he doesn’t value it any more or less than every other aspect of a romantic relationship.

**Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)**

He usually conks out as soon as he’s finished and has made sure his partner receives sufficient aftercare. He’s not as diligent about himself, so his partner needs to give him a little nudge to make sure he’s physically and emotionally okay. Then they get cozy and go right to sleep.


End file.
